I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
