i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
