if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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