we're blogging at a bar
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize
