Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
