M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
