Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
