remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
