PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
