I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
