Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
