My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
