woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
