Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
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