I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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