Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
