how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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