I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
