Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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