So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
