she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
