Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
