No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
