chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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