she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
