I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
