So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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