Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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