you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
