It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
