soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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