By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
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and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
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After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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