I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
