i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
