im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think I sprained my soul last night
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
