i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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