you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
