hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
