Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
