Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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