is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
