K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
