if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
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You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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