and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
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The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
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Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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