You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
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