did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
