ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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