Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
