My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
