Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
