So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize