So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
