broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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