over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
