yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I touched a dick in church today
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
