i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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