You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
