I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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