Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
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You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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