You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
