Just mADE A PArabola og urine
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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