Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
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I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
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I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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