So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So vagazzling was a success
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
