i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
