clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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