What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
