Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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