I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
